128th
Friday, December 26, 2008
Barely holding on/Letting go I was barely holding on to him.
He's gone.
And I'm learning to let go.
He didn't know how much I loved him.
Never ever told him before.
Trying hard not to weep.
Now that he's gone.
It was hard.
When I was at the hospital with my brother,
My sis wasn't with us.
She was at the party with her friends.
My whole family was jumping at every single 'beep' sound.
Seeing him made my heart ache.
His eye was so swollen.
Blue-black.
Siyi a yi persuaded me to touch his head.
It was quite cold.
Braindead, you see.
One leg was warm
The other was slightly cooler.
It pained me that I cried each time I saw him.
He was kept alive with a machine.
He couldn't even breathe on his own.
He was strong.
He's had a stroke and an accident.
He rode around Singapore on his bike without his family members.
He went missing damn loads of times.
And what didn't kill him made him stronger.
He died of a left cerebral stroke caused by the blow dealt by the fall to his head.
He had a fall.
This is how his lasts moments went,
The machine showed his pulse rate.
40+
30+
Then my grandma came crying to say that the doctor said that 20+ and he's going.
29
20+
40+
20+
Beeeeeeeeep.
The doctor came.
He still had a little breath left.
40+
30+
20+
18
16
60+
20+
16
60+
Struggle
[Movement form his body]
You could see he was struggling.
He even shed a tear.
He was brain dead so he wasn't able to move.
So when he jerked his whole body,
We knew he was struggling.
Then beeeeeep.
Last breath.
20+
Beeeeep.
Dead.
His mouth was in the shape of a '0'
Deprived of oxygen,
His face turned yellow by the minute.
My ah yis said he even shook his head,
As if to tell us he couldn't make it anymore.
My popo said the clocked stopped on the time he passed away too.
Are all these mere coincidences?
Or what ?
The 7 day funeral seemed like it was only 3 days.
Went home on somedays at 6 plus am.
Everyone is tired.
Its time for a good rest.
At least it brought me closer to my ah yi and jiu jiu.
We enjoyed ourselves at the funeral.
Strange things.
I have 4, 8 , 10, 12, 16 and 20+, 30+ year-old aunts.
I have 10,19, 20+ and 30+ year-old uncles.
Well, aunts smaller than me/same age as me.
Also an uncle who's a monk.
Lol.
Different generation ma.
They 'his' grandchild.
My siblings and I are 'his' Great-grandchild.
He lived till a ripe old age of 79.
The toto came out with 12 10 29
Can't remember if there's a 29.
But 10 December 1929 was his birth.
Sigh.
R.I.P., My great-grandpa.
Never got a chance to tell him how much I loved him.
And,
I'm still learning to let go.
Btw,
Thanks all friends who comforted me.
Thanks very much!
Byebye(:
Friday, December 26, 2008 | back to top
128th
Friday, December 26, 2008
Barely holding on/Letting go I was barely holding on to him.
He's gone.
And I'm learning to let go.
He didn't know how much I loved him.
Never ever told him before.
Trying hard not to weep.
Now that he's gone.
It was hard.
When I was at the hospital with my brother,
My sis wasn't with us.
She was at the party with her friends.
My whole family was jumping at every single 'beep' sound.
Seeing him made my heart ache.
His eye was so swollen.
Blue-black.
Siyi a yi persuaded me to touch his head.
It was quite cold.
Braindead, you see.
One leg was warm
The other was slightly cooler.
It pained me that I cried each time I saw him.
He was kept alive with a machine.
He couldn't even breathe on his own.
He was strong.
He's had a stroke and an accident.
He rode around Singapore on his bike without his family members.
He went missing damn loads of times.
And what didn't kill him made him stronger.
He died of a left cerebral stroke caused by the blow dealt by the fall to his head.
He had a fall.
This is how his lasts moments went,
The machine showed his pulse rate.
40+
30+
Then my grandma came crying to say that the doctor said that 20+ and he's going.
29
20+
40+
20+
Beeeeeeeeep.
The doctor came.
He still had a little breath left.
40+
30+
20+
18
16
60+
20+
16
60+
Struggle
[Movement form his body]
You could see he was struggling.
He even shed a tear.
He was brain dead so he wasn't able to move.
So when he jerked his whole body,
We knew he was struggling.
Then beeeeeep.
Last breath.
20+
Beeeeep.
Dead.
His mouth was in the shape of a '0'
Deprived of oxygen,
His face turned yellow by the minute.
My ah yis said he even shook his head,
As if to tell us he couldn't make it anymore.
My popo said the clocked stopped on the time he passed away too.
Are all these mere coincidences?
Or what ?
The 7 day funeral seemed like it was only 3 days.
Went home on somedays at 6 plus am.
Everyone is tired.
Its time for a good rest.
At least it brought me closer to my ah yi and jiu jiu.
We enjoyed ourselves at the funeral.
Strange things.
I have 4, 8 , 10, 12, 16 and 20+, 30+ year-old aunts.
I have 10,19, 20+ and 30+ year-old uncles.
Well, aunts smaller than me/same age as me.
Also an uncle who's a monk.
Lol.
Different generation ma.
They 'his' grandchild.
My siblings and I are 'his' Great-grandchild.
He lived till a ripe old age of 79.
The toto came out with 12 10 29
Can't remember if there's a 29.
But 10 December 1929 was his birth.
Sigh.
R.I.P., My great-grandpa.
Never got a chance to tell him how much I loved him.
And,
I'm still learning to let go.
Btw,
Thanks all friends who comforted me.
Thanks very much!
Byebye(:
Friday, December 26, 2008 | back to top
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